78- Why You're Exhausted, Gaining Weight, and Can't Recover (Even When You Exercise) | For Women 35+ Doing It All

Feeling like your body has betrayed you? You're working out consistently, eating well, doing everything "right"—but you're exhausted, the scale won't budge, and your usual workouts feel impossible.

You're not broken. Your stress response system has changed after 35, and nobody's talking about what that actually means—or what to do about it.

In this episode, I'm breaking down the real science behind why stress is sabotaging your fitness and the surprisingly simple shifts that can change everything. No fear-mongering. No cortisol belly quick fixes. Just honest, research-backed strategies that fit into your actual life.

IN THIS EPISODE:

✅ Why your body responds to stress differently after 35 (and why everything that worked before isn't working now)
✅ The truth about cortisol, belly fat, and stress—what's real vs. marketing BS
✅ How perimenopause creates a perfect storm for stress and fitness
✅ Why you can't out-train chronic stress (and what happens when you try)
✅ The research on aerobic fitness that literally turns back the clock on your stress response
✅ How to know when to push and when to pull back in workouts
✅ Why recovery is where the magic actually happens
✅ Small, doable stress management strategies for real life
✅ Your personalized action plan based on YOUR stress load

THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF:

• You're exhausted in a way coffee can't touch 
• You're working out but gaining weight or staying stuck 
• Your belly fat won't budge no matter what you do 
• Recovery takes way longer than it used to 
• You're juggling career, kids, aging parents, and trying not to lose yourself 
• You're tired of influencers selling "cortisol solutions" 
• You want real, science-backed solutions—not more BS

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

💡 Your body produces MORE cortisol after 40 and recovery takes longer—it's physiology, not weakness

💡 You cannot out-train chronic stress. Your nervous system will win every time.

💡 Aerobic fitness literally changes your stress response—fit women over 40 have stress responses similar to younger women

💡 Exercise is stress. If you're already maxed out, intense workouts can break you down rather than build you up.

💡 There is no start too small. One deep breath. One walk. Start where you are.

YOUR ACTION STEP:

Pick ONE thing from this episode to implement this week. Then email me at kat@kat.fit and tell me what it is. I'll celebrate with you. (Yes, really.)

WORK WITH KAT:

Ready to stop spinning your wheels and build a body that feels like it's working WITH you instead of against you?

KatFit Strength's 1:1 Online Training Program is designed for women who are done with programs that ignore their reality. You'll get:

✔️ Workouts designed around YOUR total stress load (not cookie-cutter plans) 
✔️ Recovery built into your program (not an afterthought) 
✔️ Direct access to Kat for support and accountability 
✔️ Strategic training that respects where you are

Did this episode resonate? Leave a review and share it with a woman who needs to hear this.

☎️ Schedule a Complimentary Call
See if KatFit Strength is a good fit for you: Book Here

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Get coaching tips, mindset insights, and updates: Sign Up Here

❓ Questions About Strength, Nutrition, or Cardio?
Submit them here: Ask Kat

Transcript

Kat: 0:00

Picture this, you drag yourself to the gym after a day that's already rung you out. You load up your usual weights and they feel impossibly heavy or you lace up your shoes for a run and three minutes in. You feel like you've never run a day in your life before. Here's what nobody tells you. It's not that you're outta shape. Your body is screaming that something else is going on. And if you are a woman over 40, juggling kids, career, aging parents. Maybe staring down perimenopause, your body is playing by a completely different set of rules. Now, today we're talking about the sneaky villain sabotaging your results, stress, and more importantly, the surprisingly simple shifts that can change everything. Welcome to MilesFromHerView, the podcast powered by KatFit Strength, where busy women like you find practical solutions to fuel your fitness journey with authenticity and resilience. I'm Kat, your host, a mom of two active boys, a business owner, and an ultra marathon runner and a strength trainer in her forties with nearly two decades of experience. I'm here to help you cut through the noise of fads, hacks, and quick fixes. This is a space where we celebrate womanhood and motherhood. All while building strength and resilience and reconnecting with you from a place of self-compassion and worthiness. Whether you're lacing up your running shoes to go out for a run, driving your kids to practice or squeezing in a moment for yourself, I'm right here in the trenches with you. Let's dive in. Welcome back to MilesFromHerView. I am Kat, and today we are talking about all things stress, how it affects your body, where it shows up in your workouts, in your life, in your health, and. How we can make these simple changes in our life, that does not mean overhauling our life or doing some special cortisol reducing workout. These are evidence-based research backed information to help support you and meet you where you're at. So let's start with where you are right now. Check in with yourself as I describe this. I really want you to check in where you're at. You wake up already calculating who needs to be where, what meetings you have, whether you signed that permission slip, you're moving through your day, putting out fires at work, at home, in relationships. Maybe you squeeze in a workout because you should, you collapse into bed. Brain is still buzzing and you do it all again. Does that sound familiar? We've normalized this, we wear this busyness like a badge of honor, but your body keeps the score. So what does stress actually look like? It can show up in that stubborn belly fat that does not wanna move, even though you're eating well, working out consistently and nothing's moving. Chronic stress elevates cortisol, which signals your body to store fat around your midsection. The energy crash, you're exhausted in a way that coffee can't touch. That's your stress response system. Your HPA access is just maxed out. There are the cravings that just won't quit. Sugar, carbs, salty snacks. Your body is desperately trying to get that quick energy because it is running on fumes recovery that just takes forever. What used to take it a day now takes three or four. You just feel sore longer and you just feel beat up. Here's the thing, your body doesn't distinguish between the types of stress. A fight with your teenager, a work deadline, a financial worry. Physiologically, your body responds to it all the same way it would to a physical threat. And exercise is stress too. Beneficial stress when your system can handle it, but stress nonetheless. So think of your HPA access, like your body's emergency response system. When stress hits any stress, it sounds the alarm and releases cortisol. Cortisol itself is not bad. You need it. Cortisol wakes you up in the morning. It helps you respond to challenges and power through workouts. But when it is chronically elevated, that's where everything breaks down. When you're already dealing with the chronic life stress, let's be real. If you're in your forties managing a career, kids, aging, parents, possibly perimenopause, and then you add in intense exercise, you're asking a system that is already overwhelmed to do even more. So here's the hard truth. You cannot out train chronic stress, and I see this consistently. Women working out six days a week doing hit lifting, heavy, maybe running, they're gaining weight or exhausted all the time, or getting injured. The fitness industry's answer, push harder, do more. But that's not the answer, because your workouts exist within the context of your total stress load. And if you're walking into the gym already maxed out, you're starting from a deficit. You're not. Building fitness, you're breaking down. This is why everything that worked in your twenties and thirties isn't working anymore. You have less margin for error now, and your body needs a different approach. Okay. Take a breath with me. On a scale of one to 10, what's your stress level right now? Not just today, but overall and be honest. And here's the real question. Are you giving your body what it actually needs to handle stress or are you just pushing harder? Research shows that as a woman, particularly after 40, our stress response system becomes more reactive. Not because we're weaker, but because our HPA access is literally more sensitive with age. Studies comparing younger and older women found something fascinating. Older women produce significantly more cortisol in response to the exact same stress. Bigger response and it's not just the initial reaction. Recovery takes longer too. The system that's supposed to tell cortisol to calm down, it becomes less sensitive so you stay elevated longer. So this is why stress feels different after 40 because it is different physiologically. If you're in perimenopause or approaching menopause, you are dealing with the perfect store. The decline in estrogen isn't just causing hot flashes. Estrogen has protective effects on your stress response, and when it declines, that protection goes away. You're dealing with two massive changes at once. Age related changes that make you more reactive to stress and hormonal changes, removing your natural stress buffers add chronic life, stress, career, peak complex parenting, aging parents, financial pressures, relationship shifts, and it's a lot. But here is the hope studies that looked at three groups, younger women, older unfit women, and older fit women. They measured the cortisol responses to stress. Older unfit women showed the highest cortisol responses, but older women who were aerobically fit, their cortisol responses were similar to younger women. Lemme say that again. Fitness literally turned back the clock on their stress response. Another study looked at recovery from high intensity exercise. Older women had slower recovery except for physically fit. Older women, they recovered significantly faster than their unfit peers. This isn't about aesthetics. This isn't about weight. This is about your body's ability to handle stress and recover from it. Why this matters more than you think. We don't address this. It's not just about feeling tired. The cardiovascular risk. Chronic stress contributes to inflammation and dysfunction. These are the precursors to heart disease, and research shows these effects are more pronounced in women than men. Immune system decline. Chronic stress accelerates aging of your immune system. You get sick more often and you recover more slowly. Menopause symptoms, stress makes hot flashes, night sweats, sleep disturbances, mood changes significantly worse. Psychosocial stress is one of the strongest predictors of severe menopause symptoms. Mental health. There's a strong link between stress and depression during menopausal transition, and here's what's insidious. All of these compound each other. stress worsens. Sleep. Poor sleep increases inflammation. Inflammation, worsens mood. Mood problems, reduce motivation to exercise. Lack of exercise increases, stress reactivity. It is a vicious cycle. So where does this leave you? You might be thinking, great, so I'm screwed because I'm over 40 in stress. But that's not the takeaway. Aerobic fitness changes everything. It blunts the age related. Increase in cortisol response. Regular physical activity improves HPA access recovery exercise is a key modulator of stress response in aging women. It's not too late. The benefits of fitness on stress resilience might actually be more important as you age. So after 40, you have less wiggle room, but you absolutely can manage your stress response. You absolutely can build resilience. Your body isn't failing you. It just needs a different approach. Okay, let's pause. I need to ask you some honest questions. So think about this. Are you honoring your rest days? Like actually honoring them, not just fitting in a light workout because you feel guilty about resting. Are you giving yourself permission to slow down to adjust a workout when your body needs something different? Or are you grinding through because that's what's worked when you were younger? Let me tell you what this looks like for me because I have learned this the hard way. So typically, Sundays are my day off from structured workouts. Notice I said structured. I'm not on the couch all day. I'm moving. I might be doing walking nothing fast. Going out for, let's pet all the dogs walk, or just moving about my daily life. I might do some yoga or mobility if my body needs it. And some Sundays are a little less active because it's Sunday and my body may need more recovery. This is active recovery. Moving your body while it recovers. Really nothing structured going about your daily life. And the key is checking in. What do I actually need? Now, this next part is huge. It's about giving yourself permission to slow down in a workout. So I'm gonna use a running example first. If I show up, warm up, and I feel like I'm running in slow motion, maybe I'm hitting my usual splits, but they just feel harder, or my pace is actually off. I slow down or I end my run early. Those signs tell me there's additional stress happening. Maybe chronic fatigue is built up. Maybe my body needs me to pull back so it can recover. Now, in strength training, how this looks is the weights I normally use feel impossible, or they feel really, really heavy. Or I can't complete my usual sets. I back off. I drop the weight five to 10 pounds or skip the last set, or if everything feels like a bajillion pounds, I switch to mobility work and call it a day. I give myself permission to honor my body where it's at in that moment. Now when I didn't do this, I used to think I had to push through every workout. That feeling like I was running underwater meant I needed to try harder. That backing off was a weakness. So I ignored that, pushed my body, which created more stress and more fatigue. You know, what happened? Runs didn't get faster. Weights didn't go up. I didn't progress. I plateaued and I got injured more, got sick more often. My body was so chronically stressed, it couldn't repair anything. So every time you lift weights, run, take a spin class, you're breaking down muscle tissue, you're creating stress on the muscles. The workout itself doesn't make you stronger. The recovery does. All the adaptations from that workout come in, the recovery, your body rebuilds during the recovery. But if you're not getting quality recovery because you're overstressed under sleeping or skipping rest days, you're missing those gains. You are just breaking yourself down over and over without giving your body a chance to build back up. So let's look at recovery. Like I said, recovery doesn't mean just laying on the couch all day. It doesn't mean having massive gaps in between your workouts. It's restorative practices, foam rolling, mobility work, stretching, and my absolute favorite. That requires zero equipment, takes minimal time, just lying on your back and breathing deeply. Why is this my favorite? Because it allows me to release so much tension and check in with my body and get a reset, even if I don't feel like stretching and have zero time, I can lay down, close my eyes and take deep breaths. It resets my whole system, decreases the anxiety in my nervous system. You don't have to do it for hours, maybe 30 seconds to a minute. Which I know feels like forever when your brain is racing, but that's exactly when you need it most. So real example, sometimes before a workout I lay down with my eyes closed. Maybe it's been a stressful morning and I just need a moment to gather myself before I go into my workout. Real example, sometimes before a workout I'll lay down with my eyes closed. Maybe there's been a stress. Maybe it's been a stressful morning. My kids snapped at me about shoes. Trust me. I still don't know why they can't pick them up. Why are they always in the middle of the room or in the middle of a walking space and it created? Physical stressed, that angst that bubbled up inside me because I tripped over the shoes that I've asked for the hundredth time to be picked up. So I call myself before I ask my body to do more work. That's me actively engaging my parasympathetic nervous system, my rest and digest mode before I switch into workout mode. That practice, that's the difference between a workout that serves your body and one that depletes it further. Exercise is stress, good stress, necessary, stress that kind that makes you feel stronger and more resilient, but only if your system can recover from it. So if you're walking into the gym already maxed out, you are starting from a deficit. When you add high intensity exercise to an already overloaded system, you're not building fitness, you're breaking it down. So that's why the same workout plan that you did at 35 might not work at 45. So it's not about working harder, it's about working smarter. How to tell, if stress is sabotaging your workouts, you're having a longer recovery time. So what took one day now takes three to four, reduce performance, you're getting weaker or slower instead of stronger and faster. Your increased injury, so you have pains that won't go away. You have this crushing fatigue after workouts. Instead of feeling energized like you have to nap, you have disrupted sleep, especially for after your evening workouts. If you're experiencing any of these, your body is telling you something. It needs your, your body's telling you something needs to change, and the answer is not push harder. The answer is, listen. So here's what I want you to think about. What would it feel like if you gave yourself permission to honor your body exactly where it needs? If everything we've talked about is resonating, if you are recognizing these patterns in yourself and you're realizing you need a different approach, that's exactly why I created KatFit. I work with women who are done with programs that ignore their reality. Women who are tired of being told just work harder when their bodies are screaming for a break. My coaching isn't about punishing yourself with brutal workouts or cookie cutter plans. It's building a body and a nervous system that can handle whatever life throws at you through strategic training that respects where you are recovery, that's actually built into the plan and stress management. That's not an afterthought because here's what I believe, you deserve to feel strong without feeling destroyed. You deserve results without sacrificing your wellbeing, and you deserve a coach who understands. That your workout exists within the context of your whole life. We'll talk more about how to work together at the end, but first, let's talk about what actually works. Okay. So we've talked about the problem. Now let's talk about what actually works. And I'm anticipating what you're thinking. I don't have time for bubble baths and meditation retreats. I can barely find the time to eat some days. I get it. I'm right there with you. I have middle school and high school kids. Mommy tax, mommy taxi duties staying up late because they're up late running a business. So I am not going to give you BS about self-care Sundays. We're talking about small, doable shifts that fit into your actual life. And if you don't take care of yourself, your body will make you stop often at the worst times possible. It will make you stop through injury, illness, or complete exhaustion when life is action packed. You have to be strategic, not perfect, strategic. So before anything else, you need to know your starting point. Rate your perceived stress on a scale of one to 10? Be honest. How's your sleep quality? Not just quantity. Are you actually sleeping well? How's your recovery from your workouts? Are you bouncing back or dragging? What's your current activity level? Sedentary, moderately active training, hard six days a week. Any signs of sympathetic dominance, racing thoughts, trouble relaxing, elevated resting, heart rate, digestive issues, feeling wired but tired. These matter because where you're starting determines what you need. So how do you reduce the stressful inputs? It is gonna look different for every person, what I'm gonna give you is going to help across the board set boundaries. I know it looks different for everyone, but boundaries aren't walls. They're actually bridges to more energy flow. Think about it, you're a castle with a moot, every relationship, every commitment, every demand is the bridge that. A bridge across that mode to your energy. And if there are too many bridges, if everyone has constant access, you have no reserve. It's just constant in and out and nothing staying with you. Boundaries are about creating bridges. You want the energy exchange that feels good and you get draw bridges. You get to say yes or no, you are in control. Declutter your space. I know this takes energy. Start with one space, just one. I'm not someone who functions well in cluttered spaces. Maybe that resonates with you. For years, my kids' playroom was outta sight. I didn't care if it was cleaned up. Making them clean it up every night created more stress for me. So I set a boundary. Their playroom could be chaotic, but it was closed off To my view. My husband's office, it looks like a paper explosion. He works well that way, so I don't go in there much. Find the balance for you. Limit news and social media. I have to be on social media for my business and it's hard, but here's my role. If I'm feeling drained or anxious, I step away, period. You have permission to do the same. Create consistent routines. Think of it like your morning coffee ritual or your pre-bed Wind down. These routines help your brain know when to focus and when to relax. Consistency creates a sense of safety for your nervous system. Hydrate, water decreases overall body stress. Dehydration makes you feel worse, and no coffee does not dehydrate you, but drink water. How much you wanna aim. So how much water do you actually need? You want to aim for about half your body weight and ounces daily. So if you weigh 150 pounds, aim for 75 ounces, but start where you are. If you are barely drinking eight ounces a day of water, don't start at 75 ounces. You will live in the bathroom and it'll be miserable. You'll just give up, increase it gradually, just a few ounces every day, move your body. Just move your body. It may sound counterintuitive when we're trying to reduce our stress levels, but the key is not every workout needs to be intense, and the fact is most shouldn't get outside and walk even for five minutes on your lunch break, even in the winter. I hate the cold, but I'm gonna do it anyway. I'll be outside. If you're currently sedentary and highly stressed, start with 10 minute walks. Add gentle movement like yoga or swimming. Focus on deep breathing. Build gradually. Add five minutes per week. If you're moderately active, but stressed, assess the intensity. Are you doing too much at a high intensity work right now? Make sure you're including moderate intensity aerobic work. Evaluate your recovery and are you taking rest days? If you're very active but not seeing results, you might be over training. In the context of a high life stress, consider reducing that intensity or volume. Temporarily prioritize the recovery. Focus on consistency at sustainable intensity. All right, so you're thinking, well, this all sounds great, but I have kids and life is crazy. I hear you. Yes. My kids are older. I vividly remember when they were younger. So here are some strategies to implement. Tag team bedtime. If you have a partner, take turns putting the kids to bed. So one of you gets more downtime. Look at your schedule. Maybe your partners. Monday and Wednesdays are more stressful. You take those bedtime nights, maybe Tuesdays and Thursdays you need a break. Plan it out. Batch cook meals. This takes away from the, what are we eating? For me, the easiest meal to batch cook on Sundays is breakfast. A quick nutritionally dense breakfast for the whole family. One less decision, one less task. Pick one thing. If all of this feels overwhelming, start with one habit Laying down and taking five deep breaths, taking a walk, no matter how short. So pick one thing. If all this feels overwhelming, start with one thing. Laying down and taking five deep breaths, taking a walk, no matter how short. One minute, two minutes, 10 minutes. There's no start too small. And the most important thing, ignore all the BS you see on social media that says, if you're not doing X number of this, you're failing, or you'll never lower your cortisol. That stuff is there to sell things. To keep you feeling like you need to buy something to keep you feeling like you can never manage your stress, but you can focus on what works for you, and ignore the flashy noise. All right, let's make this really concrete'cause I don't want you walking away feeling overwhelmed. I want you to walk away with one clear next step. First, identify one area of focus. Maybe it's getting better sleep. Drinking water, taking a minute or two of deep breaths, just one thing. Start small, pick one thing, do it consistently for a week, then the next week and a third week and a fourth week. And when you feel like you have the capacity for one more thing, add one more thing. Keep doing the original thing and add the new thing. Third, celebrate those wins if you don't have anyone to celebrate with, message me. Email me at cat at Cat fit message to podcast and I will celebrate with you. I truly mean it. Acknowledge it. Because if you're not acknowledging what you're doing, who else is going to drop the shoulds and on realistic expectations? Start where you are because that's meeting you on your terms. That's the recipe for success. If you start with lying on the floor and taking two breath, it'll lead you to five. If you start with one minute walk, it will lead you to 10 minute walk. These things build over time. It's when we focus on huge goals or I should be doing this X, Y, Z influencer says I have to do that. That's the gateway for more stress and that belittles. What works for you Everything I've shared is based on research and my experience coaching hundreds of women. But your body, your life, your stress load is unique. There's no one size fits all. Answer. What works for your friend might not work for you. What worked last year may not work this year. That's okay. Your body's communicating with you. The goal is to build your own understanding of what you need to develop an internal awareness to trust yourself. That's resilience. Not following someone else's plan perfectly, but being able to adjust based on what your body's telling you. So let's bring this full circle, because if you're hearing all of this and thinking, I get it, but I need help actually implementing this. That's exactly what my one-on-one online training program is for. Here's what makes Cat Fit different. You start with a comprehensive assessment. Not just your fitness, your stress load, your recovery capacity, and your life context. Because I can't build you an effective program without understanding what you're actually dealing with. I'm not gonna pry so. You share with me what you feel comfortable with. Your workouts are designed around your total stress load. We adjust the intensity and volume based on what's happening in your life. If you are in a high stress season, we scale back strategically. When you have more capacity, we push forward. This is individualized coaching, not a cookie cutter program. Recovery is built into the plan, not an afterthought. You get guidance on sleep, stress management, and nervous system regulation because. These aren't extras. They're essential. You get direct access to me. This isn't a program you download and navigate all alone. You have support, accountability, and someone who actually understands what you're going through. And here's what my clients tell me that make a big difference. They finally feel like someone gets it. They're not being pushed to do more they're not being made to feel weak because they can't keep up with some arbitrary standard. They're being met where they are and guided forward strategically. One of my clients recently told me for the first time in years, I feel like my body is working with me instead of against me. I'm stronger, I have more energy, and I'm not exhausted all the time. That's what we're building, not just a fit our body, a more resilient one. A nervous system that can handle what life throws at you. The ability to actually feel good in your body. And if this sounds like what you need, here's what you need to do. Go to the show notes, click the link and fill out the inquiry form. Tell me what's going on, where you're at, what you've tried, and what you're struggling with. We'll schedule a call and we'll talk about your goals, your challenges in the context of your life. I'll tell you exactly what working together will look like, and if it's a good fit, we'll get started. No pressure, no sales pitch, just honest conversation about whether this is right for you, because here's the truth. You don't have to figure this out alone. You don't have to keep spinning your wheels wondering why nothing is working. You don't have to keep pushing harder and feeling worse. There's a better way, and I'd love to show you what that looks like. Stress is inevitable. Life is full and you're juggling a million things. But burnout isn't inevitable. Feeling destroyed isn't inevitable. Being stuck isn't inevitable. You have the power to manage your stress, protect your energy, and show up as your strongest self for your family, for your career, for your goals, but most of all for you, here's what I want you to take away from today. Your body handles stress differently now than it did in your twenties. That's not weakness. It's physiology. You need a different approach. Second, you can out-train chronic stress. You need to give yourself permission to adjust based on what your body needs right now. Third, aerobic fitness can literally turn back the clock on your stress response. This isn't about vanity. This is about your body's ability to handle stress and recover from it. Fourth recovery is non-negotiable. Sleep, rest days, deep breathing, slowing down. These aren't optional. And finally, start where you are. Start small. Pick one thing, do it consistently, celebrate it, and then add one more thing when you're ready. Thank you for joining me on Miles from Review. If you found today's episode helpful, share it with someone. Subscribe to the weekly newsletter for exclusive insights and tips straight to your inbox. The link is in the show notes. And to learn more about Cat Fit's 1 0 1 online strength training program, and start your journey to building real sustainable strength and resilience, head to the show notes, click on the link. And remember, if you take one action this week based on what we talked about, I wanna hear about it. Let's celebrate your wins together. Thank you for tuning in to Miles From Review, powered by Catholic Strength. If this podcast inspires you, don't keep it for yourself. Hit follow or subscribe to stay updated on the new episodes, and leave us a review to help more women and moms discover this space. Your feedback fuels this podcast and I'd love to hear what's working for you or what topics you want to dive into Next. You can connect with me on Instagram at Cat Fit or share this episode. Road with a friend who is ready to embrace her strength. Remember, fitness isn't about perfection. It's about showing up for yourself and finding strength in every step of your journey. Until next time, keep moving forward one mile at a time.